Lizet's Place

Monday I went to the hospital to register for my upcoming surgery and take a COVID test. I was told I'd have the results in 2-3 days and that if the hospital called, that means the test was positive, but if I get no call, it was negative. I was given paperwork with information on what to do and where to go the morning of my surgery.

Tuesday we dealt with stuff for Kim.

Wednesday we dealt with more stuff for Kim.

Then the hospital called. Oh god! But no! It was good. The hospital was just confirming information from the registration and informing me that my insurance would be covering the surgery so I don't have to pay for anything.

While we were out for Kim's appt, my Doctor's office called. Another oh god moment, but this time to tell me that the doctor wanted to do the surgery earlier, so I had to come in earlier. I blame John and Colleen for this. They both said I was "lucky" for it being later in the day (10am) because when they had theirs, it was at 6 or 7 in the morning. *rolls eyes hard* So the nurse at my doctor's office said he wants to do it earlier which means I have to be at the hospital earlier...which means waking up earlier.

And on top of that, still with the 2 showers before. Once tonight and I use an antiseptic skin cleanser, then the morning of, again with the antiseptic skin cleanser. I can't put on any lotions/moisturizers, deodorant, or body spray. My skin is going to be so dry and hate me come Saturday.

Anyway, there was some drama with my family. specifically between me, mom, and my sister. Whatever. My sister can pick up the phone to call or text me just as easily as I can...and I shouldn't always be the one to have to do it.

I mean, FFS, my sister-in-law is on vacation IN SPAIN and she sent me a text on Monday as I was leaving the hospital asking how I was doing and who was going to be with me while everything was going on. And she said she was going to check up on me after to see how I was. Has my blood sister done that? Nope. No offer to take me to/from the hospital, just a "thanks for letting me know. let me know if you need anything." How about for you to be a sister? You're my big sister! You're supposed to be checking how I'm doing not telling me that you have work, thus making it seem like work is more important than I am! And I'm not saying that she could have or should have called out of work to help me, but she could have offered.

And the icing on the fucking cake is my mom telling me that I need to ask my sister if I'm important to her because it's important for me to know. That made me feel like my feelings don't matter. Then my mom tells me that my sister has been telling her the same thing - that I don't reply to her calls or message. FUCK THAT! The last time my I talked to my sister was in May when she asked if I wanted to go back to San Diego with them and meet up with my brother for dinner, but I couldn't because Kim was just discharged from the skilled nursing facility and there's no way Colleen would have been able to move Kim around and lift her if she falls. Since then, there were other outings, which she is not obligated to invite me to or tell me about, but there was lunch with the cousins that I had no idea about.

Again, whatever. My mom needs to accept that my sister and I are not close. We have never been close (with the exception of when I was little and she "took me everywhere") and probably never will be close. That's just how it is. If my mom wanted us to be close, she should have pushed for my sister to come to more of our family things...hell we should have had more family things but whenever I suggested doing something as a family, my parents said no. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Anyway. Surgery tomorrow. I have to be up at 4am to shower and be ready to leave between 5:30-5:45am to be at the hospital by 7am for 9am surgery. I'll have my phone and portable charger for the waiting. I should be home sometime in the early afternoon.

I'm going to go have lunch now.

In honor of the day,

Turkey or ham?
both, but tonight we had turkey

Cranberry sauce - smooth or chunky
smooth. I'll do chunky if it's homemade.

Vegetables - Green bean casserole or peas and onions
Neither. give me a salad or mixed greens or broccoli. Tonight we had sauteed cauliflower. My first time, they were pretty good.

Potatoes - with or without a hint of nutmeg
without...though I don't think I've had them with nutmeg

Dessert - pumpkin or sweet potato
I'm not a big fan of pie, plus I can't tell the difference between the two when they're baked. tonight we had churro cheesecake and it was damn good.


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We went to Lora and Tina's for Thanksgiving. There were 7 of us. Very little leftovers. I was sort of looking forward to taking some home, but glad there wasn't any to have to package up.

As usual, we had to wait for Staci to finish getting ready. Every year it's the same and we end up waiting for her to finish getting ready before we can eat!

And on top of that, Lora was still cooking. But I wasn't conscripted into helping like in previous years.

Definitely pluses and minuses.

The big plus was the brief video call with the family and seeing Tina. She's 93 and we haven't seen her in something like 11 months?

Now I'm getting ready for bed.

Of course, it would take a fucking pandemic for me to post again. And of course, it’s over a year too.

But I’m freaking out a bit. Not that I’m going to get sick or anything, but being cooped up in the apartment for close to 20 days is what I’m freaking out over.

Sundays are the 1 day that I get out for church, lunch and grocery shopping, but I found out tonight that my Pastor and the church Deacons thought it was best not to have services for 2 weeks. We’ll still have service on the 15th, but not on the 22nd or 29th.

And yes, I decided at the last minute to get a tattoo, so I’ll be out of the apartment on the 17th and then the 27th, 28th, and 29th, I’ll be house sitting and looking after my friend’s mother while she goes to Sacramento for her niece’s wedding (I don’t know if those plans have changed)…and KW has a dr appt April 1 and I have a hair appt April 3rd…then it will be April 5th and back to a regular schedule.

Laying it out like that has calmed me down. I won’t completely be stuck in the apartment, and I’ll have to go out anyway for food (if people in my city haven’t lost their damn minds and bought out Wal-Mart and Target!)

Another thing that’s still affecting me is the ending on Hawaii Five-0. It came as a shock to everyone, but Alex made it clear during an interview about the 200th episode, he was giving the show 2 more years and then he was done. Hmm, 2 more years would be season 10, but the show never did anything to let the fans know that the show was ending. No announcement at the start of season 10…in fact they were introducing a new character who would have potentially joined Five-0…and partnered with Danny. HA! Did they really think Scott, who was doing 5-7 fewer episodes a season, was going to continue on without Alex?! *rolls eyes HARD* so the show dropped the ball in letting the fans know so that we could prepare ourselves. And also the writers could have done a hell of a better job in writing/showing that Alex/Steve would be leaving, and I guess that’s what the final 2 episodes this season was going to be, and season 11 would have picked up without Steve…but they didn’t count on Scott and/or the network pulling that out.

Anyway…stuff has happened in the last year. A lot of stuff and none of it remotely important. I’m still tragically single; my brother is in town for work for the next 6 months. We hung out last weekend – the siblings and my sister’s kids – at the bowling alley and then went to dinner. We’re supposed to take sibling pictures to send a collage to my mom for her birthday (April 20) but that’s going to get pushed back to Mother’s Day. I’m hoping we get to see each other a few more times before he goes back to Florida.

There’s a lot of fun stuff with the church for this year. I was more excited about it at the start of the year than I am now. I blame the country shutting down because of COVID-19 and Trump being useless.

I’ve got a grocery list to make up for Sunday and craft supplies to make sure I have for kid’s Sunday School in case there are any at church.

January 16th was the last time I posted. Since then I have finished up spring semester. I did okay last semester.  I passed my classes so that's all that counts. And that's about it LOL

Saw my sister for the first time yesterday in months. I think there was a day when I went by her apartment to pick up my mail and I spoke to her but I couldn't tell you when that was. It felt weird seeing her because she gave me a hug and she asked me how I was doing and I'm just like don't touch me (in my head). It just felt really fake because of all the times I reached out to her and she never returned my phone calls or replied to my texts. Sure there was the odd one when she would say thank you when I wished her a happy birthday or Merry Christmas or happy Mother's Day, but other texts...she would leave me on read.

There are 12 days until my church's Family Camp up in the mountains and I'm really excited about it.

I'm so excited that yesterday, while at Walmart, I picked up some small travel-size stuff that I needed and when I got home I packed my bag. LOL With the exception of some shorts I need to wash and shoes I need to buy I'm ready to go.

The lady I do home care for will also be going with her sister to Family Camp, so I packed her bag as well.

So, our packed bags are going to sit in the closet for the next 11 days. Thank goodness there's a Harry Potter marathon and NCIS marathon to help the days go by faster.

After camp I start the next semester at the local community college. I'll be taking 2 online classes and likely 2 on campus classes. I'm moving forward towards my degree, but I still feel like I'm stagnant about it. I'm taking 3 or 4 classes a semester and should be on track to transfer to the university fall of next year, but I still don't feel like I'm making much progress for some reason.

Also, I turn 36 in 27 days. My niece wants to do something with me and I'm all for that but she doesn't seem to understand that the lady that I care for requires pretty much 24/7 care and I can't leave her alone for 4 to 6 hours to go to a Pirate Adventure dinner and Show like I said I wanted to do. Kim, the lady I care for, could ask her sister to stay with her for that time that I would be spending with my niece but they're still transportation money that I would have to get together and I just don't have that.

Let's see how long it will be before I post again. I know there is more stuff that I could ramble about but I just don't feel like dredging up those memories. That's not to say anything bad happened, I just don't feel like thinking about what's going on to bore you all with.

On October 16 I moved out of my sister's apartment and into a senior apartment to care for an elderly member of my church.

Back in September she fell and wasn't found for 2 days. Thankfully nothing was wrong with her other than being severely malnourished and dehydrated and some bruises. She stayed in the hospital for 2 days and moved to a rehab facility where she was at for a little over a month.

We are working on getting me set up as her IHSS caregiver so that the state/county will pay me for what I do, but if that falls through, her sister said they'd work something out with me so that I get something from somewhere.

I would have thought moving out of my sister's place would be good, and it has been, but it's like the communication between me and my sister has gotten worse. I've sent her text messages and left a voicemail and she hasn't responded to any of them...maybe like 1 or 2. My niece is the same way, but it doesn't hurt as much as my sister not responding. I asked my mom about whether she'd heard from my sister and she said no and that I need to keep trying; that's she's got a lot on her plate and blah blah blah. Umm no. I'm tired of being the one to always have to chase after another person. The only reason I was keeping in touch with her was because I still have some of my stuff there that I wasn't able to take when I left and I wanted to know when the floor in my niece's room was going to be done so that I could help move stuff since my things are still there.

I just need to get my stuff out of there, give her the keys back and be done with her. She wants to push everyone away because we aren't giving her cash money towards "bills", she's going to regret that real soon. My niece is moving at the start of next year to go to a culinary arts school where her dad lives and I'm sure my nephew will be gone soon enough. Then what? She's really going to have to pay for her own stuff because I'm not there to give her grocery money, Nephew isn't there to give her cash money and Niece won't be there to cook and clean.

I've got schoolwork to get back to. I'm sort of behind and have an exam due tomorrow night before 11 pm.

so apparently the last time I updated was January 21st, and that wasn't even a real update, but an H50 fic rec.

Not much new going on with me. Been at the job for almost 9 and a half months. So much freakin' turn over. I know my time there is even more limited than the temporary status of the job. I've basically gotten two "warnings" that my production levels are too low - once from an on-site supervisor and the second time from the temp agency manager handling my assignment. Part of me wants to make it to a year because it'll look good on my resume, but I think at this point, 9 months will also look good, especially after being unemployed for nearly 2 years. I just desperately need something permanent and that would allow for me to get a car and my own place (though I wouldn't pass up having a roommate because I don't think I'd do well complately on my own). And my work days have changed (this happened shortly after Easter). I now have Sunday and Monday as my off days. I've enjoyed being able to go back to church on Sundays. Lately, though, we've been doing 6 days and 10 hours a day so I haven't had a Monday off since the schedule change. But then Tuesday that changed again when the 6th day and OT was cancelled. This coming Monday will be my first one off since April 4th!

Still living with my sister. Been giving her money for rent since February (and getting reciepts). There are good and bad moments with being here. The bad only really happen when my niece and nephew get into fights/arguments with her about their lack of jobs and/or them being in school because she then turns it around on me by either finding something else I need to help contribute to or she'll ask about how my job search is going or if I've found an apartment. As much as I want her to tell her to back the fuck off, I can't. I'm basically at her mercy with no place else to go...so I nod along and then vent online. But mostly I keep it inside and deal with the stress induced hives as a result.

I'm back in school! I applied and registered at the community college down the street from me. My class starts on Monday and is 8 weeks long. I've been looking forward to this for 3 months! Thankfully the supervisor at work approved my modified schedule (5:30am-12:30pm) on the days I have class (Tuesday-Thursday; Monday is my day off)

Hmm whatelse...My mom. I'm going to see her soon! She'll be coming out here July 26th to the 2nd week in August, I beleieve...however 1 week she and my sister will be in Hawaii on the trip that would have been my sister's honeymoon. We're going to spend the time that's she's actually IN California to clean out the storage unit and hopefully consoldate everything into 1 unit and save us money.

I guess that's everything. No telling when I'll update again. Hopefully it won't be another 21 weeks between updates!

Let me start out by saying, I hate going to the hospital. Going to visit someone who has just had a baby, I'd got no problem with, but for the other...it gets under my skin and creeps me out.

I was with some friends and they went to the hospital for one of their friends who was dying, like last minutes/hours of life, and I was freaking out. I was on the verge of having a panic attack and no one really noticed, which is understandable because their friend was dying. It was like an hour later when they were ready to leave that they noticed I wasn't in the room anymore. So where was I? Outside in the freezing cold, crying because I couldn't tell them and didn't have a way to call my parents to come get me. Even thinking about it now, makes me cry.

Then another time I was at the hospital was when my pastor was dying. Not the one who just died, but the one before him. This pastor either had pancreatic cancer or colon cancer and I think less than 6 months after his diagnosis, he died. I was at the hospital maybe a week before he died, feeling the same way I did the last time I was at the hospital when someone was dying.

Also, all while my other pastor was in the hospital, I never went to visit him. I knew he was dying and that would have probably completely broken me. Lora, Staci and Tina (the pastor's wife) understood. I never mentioned it to them, but I simply told them going to the hospital made me uncomfortable and they took my word at that.

Now for the point of this.

My dad has been having problems with his colon. The doctors have ruled out colon cancer but my dad has an enlarged prostate. Wednesday he's going in for surgery to reduce/shrink/whatever his prostate. The way my mom explained it led me to believe it was going to be like an in and out thing when he had to have his catheter fixed/replaced. But in talking to my dad this morning, he was saying how he didn't know how he was going to feel after the surgery on Wednesday and whether he would be out of the hospital by Friday or Saturday.

Umm what? I didn't ask what he meant by that because all I could think was "would it make me a bad daughter if I chose not to go to the hospital?"

My mom sort of understand my fear/dislike of going to the hospital and by all accounts, there's no reason for me to be worried about my dad dying or anything, but just the thought of going to see him after the surgery freaks me out.

I guess, though, I have a good "excuse" for not being there. It's the final 2 weeks of my classes. We're reviewing for the finals that will be happening the following week and I don't want to miss that.



This entry was originally posted at http://simplyn2deep.dreamwidth.org/73598.html. You can comment here or there. Sometimes I lock entries. no biggie. add me as a friend if you want to see.
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Thursday I took a test and got 91%. That's up 10% from test 1.

Today I took a test and got 82%. That's up 2% from test 1.

So you know, I'm feeling really good about these grades. I honestly thought I was going to do poorly because I had reduced study time due to the funeral with the church and then just plain forgetting about the test I had this morning. I told my parents my grades and my dad's response was "you're slipping. that's not going to get you an A." Gee thanks! That's exactly why I don't tell my parents anything and why I HATE that they tell other family members what's going on with me. They want to know, they can ask me. Anyway, that's not what this entry is about.

Tomorrow I have a test. I'm worried about it. Test 1 I got 76%. I already plan on doing extra credit for the class, but I really would like to pass the class with 80-89%. The thing is, the way the instructor does the class. He's basically reading the textbook to us, then when it comes to the test, he tells us what we need to study, but very little of that is actually ON the test.

Compare that to my other instructors. When they tell us "this, this, this, and this is going to be on the test", those things are on the test. I'm so glad I only have this instructor for 1 class!

For my 4th class, we don't have another test until November 6. We already have a study guide, so I can take my time filling that in and should I have any questions, there's plenty of time to ask other students and/or the instructor.

On Wednesday I only have to go to my morning class. The instructor for the afternoon class has an appointment and will be canceling class. Awesome! I'll be back home before noon!

Saturday was my friend's son's 1st birthday party. Holy crap it was hot at the park. But it was a lot of fun watching the little kids run around and what not. More than twice I was asked when I'd be having kids. More than twice I asked "When am I going to find a man worthy enough." It got them to shut up, but a few of the well meaning grandmothers wanted to set me up with their grandsons. Thanks. That's nice of you. I told them to send them to the church to talk to me. lol I'm totally rolling with this. I'm not taking anything seriously. I just give up. It happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then it doesn't.

Today there was a picnic with my mom's side of the family. This time we didn't have to drive 30 miles away as we went to a park about 5 miles from where we live. The rest of the family had to drive to us for a change!

It was an okay time...about as okay a time as I have with this part of the family. Plus I suddenly got a tooth ache. Took 2 extra strength advil. that did nothing but knock me out for 90 mins to 2 hours. Ate some food, then took a ibuprofen. That didn't didn't help much either. I won't have the money to go to the dentist until the beginning of November, and chances are I'll have to have a root canal. I hope that's what needs to be done to fix this problem until I can get the rest of the work done that I know I need.

In other news, my niece Jasmine turns 17 on Friday. I mentioned that Blue Man Group was playing at the Hollywood Bowl on Friday and Saturday and she was all excited and asked if I could get tickets. I thought hey...that's the weekend before my birthday, so why not kill 2 birthday events at 1 time. So I buy the tickets for the concert ON her birthday, then send her the text message about it. All I got in response was ok. wow. calm down Jasmine! Don't be so excited. It's just Blue Man Group.

This is exactly why I don't do stuff for her. Where's the excitement? Where's the "Thank you auntie!" SOMETHING! I'm also going to buy us something to eat there (just something to snack on), unless she gets money from her mom/dad to spend.

Fuck...I didn't have to do anything for her birthday since I got her the gift card to buy herself new shoes for school (that at least got me a thank you). And I know, giving gifts shouldn't be done to get something in return, but an acknowledgment would be nice.

Anyway. Back to school tomorrow. I hope this week goes by fast. I know tomorrow will as it's my short day. Finished with classes by 11 am.

I need to finish washing. I don't want to be up late tonight.



This entry was originally posted at http://simplyn2deep.dreamwidth.org/59751.html. You can comment here or there. Sometimes I lock entries. no biggie. add me as a friend if you want to see.
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There are certain numbers, that when they show up on my caller ID, I sort of freak out, but "OMG, who died?" or "OMG who's sick?"

but this time it was different. My friend called to ask if I wanted to go with her to Menifee to drop off some animals (a chicken and 5 kittens) at her cousin's place. Apparently the cousin was supposed to come down yesterday but the engine on their truck blew, so then today my friend was going to go with her parents, but said parents aren't feeling well...so she called an asked me. Cool!

I get out of being at church! YES!

While I do have a bit of work to do, if I get there early enough, I can get a good chunk of it done before she comes, then we can leave.

It takes about 1.5 hrs to get there, then I figure an hr or so getting the animals situated, lunch, then come home. I should be home by like 3 or 4 pm...which would sort of be like last Sunday with all that I had going on at church.

The downside now, is my lack of writing time. and I'm so close to finishing part 2 of Fair Winds and Following Seas. I don't care if I have to stay up all night, I will post it tonight!