so it's one of those
May. 11th, 2014 08:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
simplyn2deepLet me start out by saying, I hate going to the hospital. Going to visit someone who has just had a baby, I'd got no problem with, but for the other...it gets under my skin and creeps me out.
I was with some friends and they went to the hospital for one of their friends who was dying, like last minutes/hours of life, and I was freaking out. I was on the verge of having a panic attack and no one really noticed, which is understandable because their friend was dying. It was like an hour later when they were ready to leave that they noticed I wasn't in the room anymore. So where was I? Outside in the freezing cold, crying because I couldn't tell them and didn't have a way to call my parents to come get me. Even thinking about it now, makes me cry.
Then another time I was at the hospital was when my pastor was dying. Not the one who just died, but the one before him. This pastor either had pancreatic cancer or colon cancer and I think less than 6 months after his diagnosis, he died. I was at the hospital maybe a week before he died, feeling the same way I did the last time I was at the hospital when someone was dying.
Also, all while my other pastor was in the hospital, I never went to visit him. I knew he was dying and that would have probably completely broken me. Lora, Staci and Tina (the pastor's wife) understood. I never mentioned it to them, but I simply told them going to the hospital made me uncomfortable and they took my word at that.
Now for the point of this.
My dad has been having problems with his colon. The doctors have ruled out colon cancer but my dad has an enlarged prostate. Wednesday he's going in for surgery to reduce/shrink/whatever his prostate. The way my mom explained it led me to believe it was going to be like an in and out thing when he had to have his catheter fixed/replaced. But in talking to my dad this morning, he was saying how he didn't know how he was going to feel after the surgery on Wednesday and whether he would be out of the hospital by Friday or Saturday.
Umm what? I didn't ask what he meant by that because all I could think was "would it make me a bad daughter if I chose not to go to the hospital?"
My mom sort of understand my fear/dislike of going to the hospital and by all accounts, there's no reason for me to be worried about my dad dying or anything, but just the thought of going to see him after the surgery freaks me out.
I guess, though, I have a good "excuse" for not being there. It's the final 2 weeks of my classes. We're reviewing for the finals that will be happening the following week and I don't want to miss that.
I was with some friends and they went to the hospital for one of their friends who was dying, like last minutes/hours of life, and I was freaking out. I was on the verge of having a panic attack and no one really noticed, which is understandable because their friend was dying. It was like an hour later when they were ready to leave that they noticed I wasn't in the room anymore. So where was I? Outside in the freezing cold, crying because I couldn't tell them and didn't have a way to call my parents to come get me. Even thinking about it now, makes me cry.
Then another time I was at the hospital was when my pastor was dying. Not the one who just died, but the one before him. This pastor either had pancreatic cancer or colon cancer and I think less than 6 months after his diagnosis, he died. I was at the hospital maybe a week before he died, feeling the same way I did the last time I was at the hospital when someone was dying.
Also, all while my other pastor was in the hospital, I never went to visit him. I knew he was dying and that would have probably completely broken me. Lora, Staci and Tina (the pastor's wife) understood. I never mentioned it to them, but I simply told them going to the hospital made me uncomfortable and they took my word at that.
Now for the point of this.
My dad has been having problems with his colon. The doctors have ruled out colon cancer but my dad has an enlarged prostate. Wednesday he's going in for surgery to reduce/shrink/whatever his prostate. The way my mom explained it led me to believe it was going to be like an in and out thing when he had to have his catheter fixed/replaced. But in talking to my dad this morning, he was saying how he didn't know how he was going to feel after the surgery on Wednesday and whether he would be out of the hospital by Friday or Saturday.
Umm what? I didn't ask what he meant by that because all I could think was "would it make me a bad daughter if I chose not to go to the hospital?"
My mom sort of understand my fear/dislike of going to the hospital and by all accounts, there's no reason for me to be worried about my dad dying or anything, but just the thought of going to see him after the surgery freaks me out.
I guess, though, I have a good "excuse" for not being there. It's the final 2 weeks of my classes. We're reviewing for the finals that will be happening the following week and I don't want to miss that.
