they say it's not the end of the world but it sure feels like it

[simplyn2deep]

Today we finally sat down with the pre-arrangement counselor with a local mortuary to decide on and put a down payment on my dad's "final" arrangements.

The Doctor and nurse with hospice don't believe my dad's condition is going to improve. The neurologist told my dad's doctor that the blood clot in his brain is larger than he initially thought but it's still too deep, thus making it inoperable. So my dad is basically going to be on blood thinner medication the rest of his life. If he has another stroke, it could be one that he doesn't recover from. My dad has DRN (do not resuscitate) papers on record.

So, we contacted a local mortuary last week, got some information, then we were going to shop around, but the news from the doctor and my dad's increased lack of strength and frequent bouts of confusion, we opted to go with the only one we talked to.

But it's all settled. One less thing to worry about, but at the same time, one more thing to worry about as it's another bill we have to pay (for the next 5 years or until my dad dies).

I told my mom that as soon as I got a job, we could start on her arrangements. The counselor suggested it so that we can get a lower price now as opposed to years later when prices are higher.

Comments

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that.

I know that these kind of arrangements weigh heavy on your heart, but it's better to do it now, while your parents can have input on it and give financial support for it, than have to handle it all on your own without them. It's the best of several unhappy choices.

[theskyyends.livejournal.com]

Lizette- I've "known" you for years and I cant even imagine how hard this is for you. It's good that your parents are able to be around for their arrangements. My grandparents weren't and we just sort of made it up as we went along. I'm very sorry about your dad.

[simplyn2deep.livejournal.com]

Thank you. My mom and I are sort of making this up as we go. If we left it to my dad and sister, we'd be talking to other mortuaries and comparing prices. If his prognosis was different, we probably would shop around

[rocsfan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Although, it is very smart to make arrangements ahead of time. I was quite young when my parents died, but I remember all of the difficulty involved in arrangements. It was expensive and confusing, and I think it would be no matter what your age. But you poor kid! All of this was so unexpected for you!

[simplyn2deep.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I remember telling people that when it came time to have to care for my parents, it would be up to my siblings because I've lived with and dealt with them enough that it was time to live my life.

And then this happens and I'm still at home and helping my mom with my dad and my siblings are out living their lives...still.

[dontelltheelf.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you have to go through that, but it's better to get the ball started now. That way, your parents can have their input on things, and it'll be an easier time for you (as much as can be, anyways) when that time actually comes. One good way to look at it is, at least you won't be wasting time arguing with your siblings and other relatives about how the headstone/grave marker should be designed! Some of my cousins had that problem when their brother passed unexpectedly, and they argued for about a year before deciding on something.

[simplyn2deep.livejournal.com]

So I had this whole comment typed up about how it would be my way or the highway in regards to what was going to happen with my parents if they didn't have anything in place because I've lived with them, and I'm helping to take care of my dad. I know that's like penalizing my siblings for having their own lives or whatever, but that's just how my mentality is and has been for the last few years.

[dontelltheelf.livejournal.com]

That's totally within your rights to feel that way. I think I would too. You've had to sacrifice a lot of things to help out in the household, and now with your dad.

[dalwriter.livejournal.com]

I lost both of my parents in the last 3 years. Cherish the time you have remaining. I was an only child so I did it all -- sacrificing my career to deal with them -- but even when there are siblings, it still always falls to one person, like you. Hugs. Hang in there. Reach out if you need support. Writing helped me a lot.

[landrews.livejournal.com]

You're a rock. You're doing really hard things very well :hugsyou: