I've got anger for days
Dec. 17th, 2020 10:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
simplyn2deepJust wondering
What song do you play most often?
There's a couple of songs by some worship/praise groups that I listen to A LOT.
What thing do you really wish you could buy right now?
a new laptop or a car.
What is something that you are passionate about?
I honestly don't know anymore. and I think the last thing I was passionate about was the tv show Hawaii Five-0, but that passion faded a bunch around season 5.
============
I forgot to mention yesterday that I got a booster tetanus shot. Hours later the injection shot was hurting and a friend tells me that's a side effect that should last a couple of days. I wish the nurse would have told me that, but all she did was apologize for having cold hands, which they weren't, while she was giving me the shot.
Then today I was met with fatigue. I got up at 7am, like usual, and did my color street work before passing out from 9am-1pm!
When I woke up, I looked up the side effects of the shot. Sore arm-check. Fatigue-check. Apparently, diarrhea is also a side effect, so check with that too.
It said the side effects last a couple/few days and mean the body is working on the antibodies to fight against whatever the vaccine happens to be for.
Thankfully with this booster shot, I'm up to date on all my vaccines and I won't have to get another booster for 10 years. Plus the yearly flu shot and eventually the Covid vaccine if my dr says it's safe for me to take it.
Had a rather interesting/not interesting conversation with my mom. I sent her a message last night as a update to what's gone on re: going to dr and this was her response
There is SO MUCH to unpack with her short little message (the first one) that even talking to my BFF about it gave me a fucking headache. Like, it was so fast, so sudden and so damn strong that I had to a 600mg tylenol for it to stop hurting!
My mom is right I am closed mouth. I learned from a young age not to ask for ANYTHING I wanted, and unfortunately that translated into not talking about anything with anyone in my family because rather than listening to me they lecture me. So...excuse me for not wanting to deal with that with my feelings.
And the reason I'm depressed, in case you're wondering, is because she fucked off across the country like 4 months after my dad died! I get that she was grieving too, but not even a month after my dad's death her siblings are telling her to come home because California is too expensive and from that point she mentally checked out...like she was already in Detroit.
That left me to write up a 30-day notice and later call and ask for a couple more days extension because fuck it's hard arranging movers and packing up the apartment that we've lived in since 1986! BY MYSELF! My cousin, who has a moving company, is looking at me like it's my fault that we aren't completely packed up. Fuck you too, sir! I'm packing as fast as I can and my mom is going through every single thing that's getting packed like we aren't on a fucking deadline!
*SCREAMS TO THE VOID*
So, I'm pissed, depressed (later this comes out) about being abandoned because I lived with my parents all my life then suddenly it's just me. Oh sure, there's my sister, but there was a disagreement because she didn't like how I was talking to our mom.
Then by the end of May, I had to turn to my sister to live ask if I could live with her because my other living arrangements fell through after a couple of days. And more drama piles up after 3 years of living with her...which leads to the 2nd message from my mom...about reaching out to my sister before she leaves to go to Detroit for Christmas.
No. Period. We've been through this before. I'm DONE being the one to reach out to my sister because she doesn't return my calls or leaves my text messages on read for hours or days. So she can contact me when she's not busy. AND she, my sister, had to nerve to tell me to "not be a stranger" and to not just contact her when I need something. Bitch! the only time I've ever asked for anything was someplace to live! And like twice, in the 2 years I lived with her, I asked her for a ride someplace and she acted like I was asking her to take me to San Diego or Las Vegas!
So, you see. Anger. and I know that talking about it to a health professional is going to end with me crying. It does everytime I talk about it.
Happy sigh about getting my hair done in 14 hours
What song do you play most often?
There's a couple of songs by some worship/praise groups that I listen to A LOT.
What thing do you really wish you could buy right now?
a new laptop or a car.
What is something that you are passionate about?
I honestly don't know anymore. and I think the last thing I was passionate about was the tv show Hawaii Five-0, but that passion faded a bunch around season 5.
============
I forgot to mention yesterday that I got a booster tetanus shot. Hours later the injection shot was hurting and a friend tells me that's a side effect that should last a couple of days. I wish the nurse would have told me that, but all she did was apologize for having cold hands, which they weren't, while she was giving me the shot.
Then today I was met with fatigue. I got up at 7am, like usual, and did my color street work before passing out from 9am-1pm!
When I woke up, I looked up the side effects of the shot. Sore arm-check. Fatigue-check. Apparently, diarrhea is also a side effect, so check with that too.
It said the side effects last a couple/few days and mean the body is working on the antibodies to fight against whatever the vaccine happens to be for.
Thankfully with this booster shot, I'm up to date on all my vaccines and I won't have to get another booster for 10 years. Plus the yearly flu shot and eventually the Covid vaccine if my dr says it's safe for me to take it.
There is SO MUCH to unpack with her short little message (the first one) that even talking to my BFF about it gave me a fucking headache. Like, it was so fast, so sudden and so damn strong that I had to a 600mg tylenol for it to stop hurting!
My mom is right I am closed mouth. I learned from a young age not to ask for ANYTHING I wanted, and unfortunately that translated into not talking about anything with anyone in my family because rather than listening to me they lecture me. So...excuse me for not wanting to deal with that with my feelings.
And the reason I'm depressed, in case you're wondering, is because she fucked off across the country like 4 months after my dad died! I get that she was grieving too, but not even a month after my dad's death her siblings are telling her to come home because California is too expensive and from that point she mentally checked out...like she was already in Detroit.
That left me to write up a 30-day notice and later call and ask for a couple more days extension because fuck it's hard arranging movers and packing up the apartment that we've lived in since 1986! BY MYSELF! My cousin, who has a moving company, is looking at me like it's my fault that we aren't completely packed up. Fuck you too, sir! I'm packing as fast as I can and my mom is going through every single thing that's getting packed like we aren't on a fucking deadline!
*SCREAMS TO THE VOID*
So, I'm pissed, depressed (later this comes out) about being abandoned because I lived with my parents all my life then suddenly it's just me. Oh sure, there's my sister, but there was a disagreement because she didn't like how I was talking to our mom.
Then by the end of May, I had to turn to my sister to live ask if I could live with her because my other living arrangements fell through after a couple of days. And more drama piles up after 3 years of living with her...which leads to the 2nd message from my mom...about reaching out to my sister before she leaves to go to Detroit for Christmas.
No. Period. We've been through this before. I'm DONE being the one to reach out to my sister because she doesn't return my calls or leaves my text messages on read for hours or days. So she can contact me when she's not busy. AND she, my sister, had to nerve to tell me to "not be a stranger" and to not just contact her when I need something. Bitch! the only time I've ever asked for anything was someplace to live! And like twice, in the 2 years I lived with her, I asked her for a ride someplace and she acted like I was asking her to take me to San Diego or Las Vegas!
So, you see. Anger. and I know that talking about it to a health professional is going to end with me crying. It does everytime I talk about it.
Happy sigh about getting my hair done in 14 hours
