my dad sent this to me...LAME
Nov. 29th, 2011 08:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
simplyn2deepPuns for Intelligent People
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
Because it was a weapon of math disruption.
4. No matter how much you push the envelope,
It'll still be stationery.
5. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
Would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
6. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
7. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
8. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
Said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
13. The soldier who survived mustard gas and
Pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
14. A backward poet writes inverse.
15. When cannibals ate a missionary,
They got a taste of religion.
16. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,
You'd be in Seine .
17. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
19. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
20. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
During a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
21. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
With the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
Because it was a weapon of math disruption.
4. No matter how much you push the envelope,
It'll still be stationery.
5. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
Would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
6. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
7. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
8. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
Said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
13. The soldier who survived mustard gas and
Pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
14. A backward poet writes inverse.
15. When cannibals ate a missionary,
They got a taste of religion.
16. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris ,
You'd be in Seine .
17. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
19. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
20. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
During a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
21. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
With the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-11-29 04:49 pm (UTC)Your Dad is a pretty punny guy.
(these are awesome *g*)
no subject
Date: 2011-11-29 05:03 pm (UTC)yeah he likes to think that
no subject
Date: 2011-11-29 05:39 pm (UTC)I've always liked this one:
A family of three tomatoes are walking down the street, but the baby keeps straggling behind. The father walks back to him, smacks him, and says, "Ketchup."
no subject
Date: 2011-11-29 05:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-29 05:49 pm (UTC)What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.