LJ Idol: Week 2: If It's Any Consolation

[simplyn2deep]

I made it to another week. And I'm glad I have this time before I go on vacation to write this.

I'm in my feels about a breakdown in communication in my relationship, and when I saw this week's prompt, it felt like a poem was calling my name for it. I've never written a poem outside of learning about them in school and having to do them for classwork or homework...but here I go.

---

If It’s Any Consolation
We used to speak in shorthand—
a glance, a hand on the small of my back,
the shared weight of silence meaning more
than any poem ever could.

Now, it’s static.

Words tumble like loose screws
from the wreck of our sentences—
I say “You never listen,”
you say “You always assume.”

And if it’s any consolation,
I still dream in the cadence of your voice,
still leave space on the shelf
where your laughter used to live.

I rehearse my apologies
like prayers to a god
I’m not sure still believes in us.

But the distance grew roots,
and we watered them with every misunderstanding,
every "I’m fine" that meant the opposite,
every "Forget it" that should’ve been "Please stay."

And if it’s any consolation—
I miss you in the quiet,
in the spaces between sentences
where love used to breathe.

But maybe
you stopped hearing me
long before I stopped talking.

---

150 words

Comments

[serpentinejacaranda]

Loved reading this. Lyrical love poems are catnip for me, tinged with sadness, and yes... even small consolations. The rhythm and flow you find in the midst of love/grief are exceptional.

[adoptedwriter]

“Words tumble like loose screws…”
Speaking in shorthand…

This is rich!

[fausts_dream]

I don't usually like it when people put the prompt word for word in their entry.

But the seven lines that begin with that are absolute magic... I'm a life member of the Gulf Coast poets back when that was a thing and I seldom saw anything so powerful. And we had Houston and Texas's poet laureates coming into our little room.

[used_songs]

Oh! I really love this!

[muchtooarrogant]

Very nice! I don't generally have a deep understanding of poetry myself, but I enjoyed the rhythm of this, and the way you described your relationship.

My favorite line was, "I still dream in the cadence of your voice,"

Dan

[eeyore_grrl]

"i still dream in the cadence of your voice" is a great line. This poem is well written. I can feel the distance between the words spoken and unheard. Well done.

[used_songs]

This is splendid - I love how the whole thing is about words and communication. "the distance grew roots" is amazing.

[roina_arwen]

I also did poetry this week. This is lovely!

[drippedonpaper]

Heart breaking!

I just love, love how you use language, it flows like music in your hands.

"Leave space on the shelf /where your laughter used to live" just breaks me.

That and the "space where love used to breathe."

Oh man.

I'm sad you feel this way. I hope this work out the way that is best for you.

[halfshellvenus]

I think you did very well for not really having written this format much.

I miss you in the quiet,
in the spaces between sentences
where love used to breathe.
I liked this especially.

[hafnia]

Oh, damn. This is fantastic. I love the rhythm of it.

[bleodswean]

This is BRILLIANT!!! What a fantastic use of the prompt! And oh the pain here is so real and so accurate, it's very very human. I think this stanza is flawless and certainly had me rereading and rereading -
I rehearse my apologies
like prayers to a god
I’m not sure still believes in us.

[legalpad819]

So good- I went back and read it two more times (once actually out loud).

[rayaso]

It takes a lot of guts to write a poem when it has been years since you did it before. The was very moody, and i loved the line "leave space on the shelf where your laughter used to live." Great imagery!

[alycewilson]

Good job! I like the creative turns of phrase, and how you use contradictions as a motif.

[marjorica]

I am sorry for the circumstances of writing this, but it is done very well and touchingly.